I have never...

Have you ever played that drinking game "I have never"? Well if you haven't, basically someone says "I have never..." and states something they have never done. If you have done said thing you are supposed to take a drink. Pretty stupid game, but then isn't that a prerequisite for a drinking game? Anyway let's play now only without the drink because it is only 7.50 in the morning and I have to drive the kids to school.

Ok....lets start..... I have never...... starved myself all day so that I can use all my WW points (or carbs or calories) for booze that evening....

..........er...... Ok I have actually done that.

Um...I have never....stood in the kitchen/bathroom/laundry room, secretly stuffing food into my mouth, so no one else can see me....

.......um yep done that too.

I have never...eaten 4 chocolate bars in one day..ahem...

.........oh ok maybe 3 and 3 quarters.

I have never...weighed myself more than 5 times in one day....

........ok I am going to be hypothetically drunk in a minute so need to stop...

Just one one more. I have never...eaten tissues or toilet paper to fill my stomach instead of food....er..... WHAT??

No I can honestly say I have never tried that low calorie option. Anyone else drinking? I cannot get my head around anyone actually doing this, but supposedly it happens. And actually I am sure there are a lot of other eating related behaviours that I am completely ignorant of. For those of you that don't read those high quality gossip magazines, this is apparently what supermodels do to keep their weight down. To me that is eating disordered behaviour and comes as no surprise in that industry. But where do you draw the line at what constitutes an eating disorder?

Most people are aware of anorexia and bulimia but what about obesity? For the most part being overweight is treated as if it is a life choice. You are lazy and eat too much, therefore you are fat. Simple as that. However, I know from reading through some heartbreakingly honest blogs, talking to other WW members and looking at my own behaviours, overeating and being overweight could also be classed as disordered eating.

I would say that not eating food so that you could spend the calories on alcohol is a bit disordered...but probably not a disorder if you have only done it once or twice. Hiding your eating habits from those around you perhaps more shame and pride than a disorder? Eating excessive amounts of a particular food...greedy or needy? Obsessive weighing, well we are probably all guilty of doing that...

But really, if you are stuffing down emotions such as loneliness or anger with unlimited amounts of food, if you aren't dealing with past hurt or trauma and instead self medicating with junk, if you are protecting yourself from the outside world with a layer of fat then perhaps there are some issues to be dealt with. If you aren't loving yourself or your body enough to treat it with respect by not filling it with cr@p, by feeding yourself the best quality fuel that you can afford, regularly exercising and taking time to stop and think what is really good for you, just you, nobody else...then to me that is a bit disordered.

So that is what I am going to work on myself. To stop all the messed up thinking, empty promises, quick fixes and just love myself enough to take care of myself. It might take a while because "I have never" really done that before.