Thursday, 29 March 2012

If I didn't laugh, I'd cry

Being inspired by my previous thoughts on eating junk only when I allow my children to eat junk I have come up with a few new diet ideas following the behaviours of my children....

Watch out WW you might have a bit of competition here ;-)

The too busy to come to the table diet.
-Get engrossed in some form of playing, be it lego, playmobil or whatever and totally ignore any calls to come to the table for food.
-Take so long to come to the table that food has gone cold, complain that it is so and refuse to eat more than a couple of bites.

The can't sit still diet.
-When at the table be so fidgety and distracted that you have to keep getting up and leaving the room to go to the toilet, get a tissue, change your fork/knife/spoon, get a drink of water
-Do this so frequently that food goes cold, complain that it is so and refuse to eat more than a couple of bites.

The be naughty at the table diet.

-When sat at the table for food shout your head off, say as many toilet related words, make as many obnoxious loud noises as you can so that you get repeatedly sent for time out.
-Do this so frequently that food goes cold, complain that it is so and refuse to eat more than a couple of bites.

The refuse to try anything new diet.
-When faced with a food you have never seen before, refuse point blank to let it go anywhere near your lips.
-After being presented with said food about 20 times and plucking up the courage to try it, make yourself gag on the first mouthful and refuse to eat any more of the meal.

The fill up on fruit diet.
-Just before a meal is due, nag and nag and nag for food.
-When your parent has had enough and says "eat some fruit then", repeatedly help yourself to the contents of the fruit bowl.
-When meal is ready announce that you are not hungry and refuse to eat any of it.

The snot diet

-This one needs nor deserves no explanation

The eat oh so very slowly diet
-When food is presented on your plate announce that you would like to cut it up yourself with a grown up knife and fork.
-Proceed to take 3 and a half hours to do so, oh so very precisely, until everyone else around you has lost the will to live.

The multi-tasking diet-On the odd occasion that you are allowed to eat infront of the TV become so engrossed in what you are watching that you sit with food in your hand, mouth open but never quite putting it in.

The food fight diet
-Instead of eating the food that has been lovingly prepared for you, throw it about a bit.

The cover it with sauce diet

-When a perfectly tasty meal is placed infront of you insist on plastering it with so much sauce that it becomes inedible.

The one bite diet
-Exactly as it says on the tin: Take one bite and only one bite out of every bit of food that you are presented with.

Exercise plan to compliment any of the above diets.

-Run around the house like a lunatic ensuring you bump into every piece of furniture, jump onto every chair head first and then roll around on the ground wrestling. Be sure to exercise those lungs by shouting as loud as you can while you do it.

Ahhhh good luck with those, mealtimes are a laugh a minute in our household.


  1. What about the Benny Hill walk around the house for exercise? i always think of George if that music is ever on!

  2. HAHAHA OMG I had totally forgotten about that.